Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
