I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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