stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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