He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
