you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
