just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
