Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I can text with my tongue
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
