You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
