i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
