a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
