we have pet lesbian snakes
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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