She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
