Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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