I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
