I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
