I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
