It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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