i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
