Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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