you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
