I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
