i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
