why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
