I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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