My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
