The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
