I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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