ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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