youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ketchup is God's man juice
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I currently don't understand fingers.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
