So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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