I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
COCAINE IS GR8
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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