taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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