hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
