i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
two words...techno handjob
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
