the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
