I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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