So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
