your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
