How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
