Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
