i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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