I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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