and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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