I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
