he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
