Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
