he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
