I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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