I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We have started to decorate penises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
