please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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